Toni-Marie











{July 21, 2009}  

Says more about us than I ever could.
This is goodbye, for once and all.
I’m moving on.

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{July 5, 2009}   Babygirl is laid up…

Wow it’s been a minute, or closer to a month. Lots has been happening in my small world.

Number one is I’m a sick little chooky. After numerous hospital visits, and doctor visits. My doctor ushers me with those scary words, “you need to come and look at this!” I’m freaking out, as there is a heap of white patches all over the x-rays of my lungs. Thankfully though, turns out it’s pneumonia. So I’m simply bed ridden, and under house arrest for awhile, and believe me I’ve been making the best of it and sleeping non-stop. Obviously when I had the flu at the start of June, I didn’t give it the time it needed or required to get better, and hence I have a bad case of pneumonia. I haven’t eaten in nine days, and I’ve dropped +five kilos. So I’m all stoked on that.

Also stoked on all the new music, that this has given me time to give a spin. Some brand new, some not-so, It’s new for me because it’s the first time I’m really listening to it.
On my current playlist;

-Daniel Merriweather – Love & War (reminds me of him, oh mope, mope, cheer up emo kid),
-Eminem – Relapse
-Green Day – 21st Century Breakdown
-Eskimo Joe – Inshalla
-Hilltop Hoods – State of The Art
-White Lies – To Lose My Life
-The Dangerous Summer – Reach For The Sun
-Phoenix – Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
-Regina Spektor – Far
-Conor Oberst – Outer South

It’s a very random assortment, but it’s kind of like me, erratic and all over the place, at the moment.
My blather brain is kicking in. Later bloggers and blogette’s.



{June 1, 2009}   Not the ’09 I imagined…

2009 was meant to be the year of me. It I have failed to live up to expectations. Lets face it if things played out the way they were set to in 07. I’d be planning a wedding, out on tour, the life of the party, living a life others dream of, most probably living in London. Instead I am what I am. I promised myself in January that I would reclaim a part of that girl this year. And so far I’ve failed.
It’s simple I don’t like who I’ve become, I live an existance that revolves around my work, and most of the time I feel like I fail at that.

I lost someone a couple of weeks ago to suicide, something I’m quite familar with, but for some reason, I feel like this has kind of shocked me out of my slump. I feel the need to start making some decisions making some steps forward, putting my foot down in other areas of my life. And just fucking living. I’ve had all these plans that are sitting there un-acted upon, and they deserve to see the light of day. I don’t care if I don’t live for a long time, but I do care if I die un-accomplished, if I die with an unfulfilled life.

I’ve started to do more for myself, I’ve put certain things in place regarding a certain business venture, and I’m working/volunteering/teaching at a kindergarten, and I love my kids hardcore, I get attached I don’t know how you can’t not, obviously for privacy reasons I wont be talking much about it here, but it gives me an inner sense of fulfillment. I love kids, they just have a way of making everything okay, maybe it’s their innocence. I can get out of bed grumpy as all hell, going ‘why the hell, did I say I’d do this’ then I walk in the gate and the smiles on their faces, and the happiness that radiates from them eradicates all of that.

I’m making changes, I’ve decided I don’t want my life back from ’07. I’m better without him in my life, I just want the same happiness and fulfillment I felt, I want new adventures, I want to do things on my own again, to feel like I’m giving as much as I’m taking.To be healthy and happy.

harleymeTo be someone he can be proud to look up too.



{May 7, 2009}  

MY life stoke-age level is way down! Nothing has come into my life thats blown my life of late, literary wise, music wise, people wise.
I just need something to kickstart some creativity, and inspire me.

Come on people help a sister out?



{April 22, 2009}  

heart
i miss you in my life



I’ve started toting around a little book, in which I’m writing particular things into. Getting ready for my future. I don’t want to say too much about it, but I’m excited, I’ve got a head full of ideas floating around, and once I start getting some plans put into place it’s all about seeing which parts of my plans are viable. I don’t want to change the world, I just want to start a revolution of my own.

I’m excited, but this time I don’t want things half assed, and I wont be putting it into the hands of others, because I’ve been burned. In saying that I’ve burned others too. But this time, at the start it’s going to be me and only me. Something to limit the fall out.

My riddles confuse and delight. But eventually it’ll all fall into place.



{April 20, 2009}  

I feel like I’m forever playing catch-up on my life. I don’t seem to have time for much of anything anymore. Oh the joys of shift work.

Easter was pretty much non-existant. I worked on Good Friday, Saturday, Easter Sunday and Easter Monday. I did get to spend Easter Sunday Arvo with the boy though, he’s still making his way through his wonderful bounty of chocolate. I didn’t feel like I went overboard on him for a change, but the amount of chocolate he ended up with, and presents, he still somehow manage to get spoilt rotten.

I decided after the easter break, that I was feeling pretty run down. So I decided to go feral for a few days. I packed my bags, which consisted mainly of track pants, books, and flet shirts, and caught the next bus out of town, heading bush. I spent the time reading, and sitting on my bum enjoying the good weather. I literally didn’t brush my hair for two days and had the whole Cory Kennedy unbrushed hair look going on.
It was semi-relaxing, and it was quite a bummer coming back to reality. I could have used a bit longer.

But alas all good things must come to an end. And I must say I was mighty happy to get home to a hairbrush.



{February 12, 2009}   Welcome

Welcome.
Toni-Marie

Somehow every twelve months, I end up cleaning house.
Deleting everything and starting over.
In hopes of a new beginning, I suppose.
That nieve anticipation that this next stage will be better than the last. Kind of my version of a New Years Resolution, like when you tell yourself how much weight you’ll lose, or how you’ll stop wasting so much time sitting in front of the TV.
Either that or my way of spring cleaning.
My new home on the interwebs. Plus I’m kind of psyched because this way, I no longer have to add WordPress upgrades to my server, which makes my whole blogging experience a hell of a lot easier.

If you’ve traveled over here from my last blog, or from one of my many social networking sites, good to see you again. And if your brand-spanking new and stumbled on in here, welcome.

This is my corner of the interwebz, I plan to talk about whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want.
My exploits and debauchery.

My Mother will probably be reading this though, so tales of her exploits will probably be limited.
Although trust me when I say her stories are much more debaucherous than mine.  I mean they don’t call her Boozy Suzy for nothing.



et cetera